I started a Grief blog because I needed a place where the thoughts and stories can exists on their own. They are often bleak and dark and I know that those of you who know and love me will be moved by them. And some of you will fear for me because of them.
I write them for me. I write them because it is an outlet and a release to the intensity of the feelings I experience. I write them because it helps to purge, to share, to vent and to formulate.
I lost my son in February 2013. It is a difficult sentence to write. He was 26 years old. I lost him suddenly and tragically. He was in his prime. He was beautiful.
He was healthy and happy and well loved. Our lives will never be the same.
Grief is so many things. Far more complex than I could possible have conceived. It is debilitating and exhausting, it is overwhelming. It is relentless. It is the worst kind of lonely and it is all of the sads. It is more that words can express and at times, it is more than I can bear.
I don't write these words for them to be read. That is a by-product. And if it gives you insight, then that is good. If it helps, then that is good. Because there is nothing good in what has happened to me, to him... (to all of us). And although I like my grief to be acknowledged, I do not seek comment. For me it is important that I write it, not that you read it.
The postings will be random and varied. A thought, an anecdote, fact, fiction. A musing. Not in any chronology. But just so.
The inspiration for this blog came from our shared experiences of Pretendland... That place we find ourselves, where momentarily we can forget. Where we can be lost in the moment.
Katie Kins wrote about it most eloquently here...
You should read this first to understand the backdrop to the way we play out our lives, such as they are now.
