I woke up with the brick in my chest again... And a wave of nausea washed over me. I've been "brick-free" for a while now, but this morning it was back.
It has been raining for over a week on the Island of Grief. The sky has tilted permanently to 60ยบ slanting itself wetly across my vision. Sheets of rain falling in grey stripes headlong into dark waters.
My dreams weighed heavily and waking, even heavier. But I let the dreams go. They melted gently into the early morning light. And I let them. I remind myself of the good things ahead, it doesn't come naturally... I have to relearn it every morning to make it true.
I stand on the windswept beach of Griefland and see the rays of light on the Isle of Distraction. I will spend most of the day there buried in my work, pushing pixels around my computer screen. A 32 page catalogue will occupy my day. A calmness will prevail. I'll make the pieces fit, the copy will balance, the colours will harmonise. I will resize and colour correct and justify and compose and kern and adjust leading. Unlike the world of reality, I can always "undo" an unsatisfactory outcome.
I stand on the windswept beach of Griefland and look towards Pretendland. It never rains there. I can find safe harbour. I was there only last night, drinking cocktails at a bar, watching the last of the afternoon's golden light fade westward. Sunlight making diamonds sparkle shinily on the waters of Darling Harbour. We settled comfortably, warmly, into well-worn brown leather couches and I played idly with the drink rings on the wooden table in front of me. I chose my cocktail purely for its colour and although we had dinner planned we still ordered thick-cut potato chips, piled up in golden salty planks. And a couple of chicken tenders decorated with a zigzag line of lime aioli. We made plans, we projected ourselves into the future, we talked and we laughed and I watched the shadows forming patterns across the room. There was techno babble music playing, not too loudly and it took me back to happier, timeless, carefree, times.
